Marriage, Sex and Toys.

A woman once asked me, what do you think about couples using sex toys? She said her husband wanted it but she feels it’s sinful and wrong for Christian couples to incorporate that in their sexual lives.

My first response to her was that it’s alright to feel that way, especially when sexual enjoyment aids are not what is openly discussed in Christian marriage classes (I have not attended one for some time now so I may not be accurate with this.)

Aside from few marriage teachers that chip in the use of massage oils and emphasizes couples investing so much in sexy lingeries, sexual aids are still something most marriage sex teachers shy away from or even frowns at.

So, it’s okay for Christian couples to have conflicting reactions towards sexual aids. And permit me to say here that when couples (Like the concerned woman who asked the question) have different reactions towards a particular sexual aid- sex toys, in this case, it will be wrong for one partner to force, manipulate, threaten the other into agreement because the sole purpose of sex with one’s partner is to achieve satisfaction, not just for you but for them and you know that when one partner is tensed, achieving satisfaction would seem like a fairy tale.

So, from the Christian standpoint, sex in marriage is about love, selfless service, and mutual satisfaction. If your partner isn’t comfortable with your idea of sexual fantasy/spicing up your sex lives, then you shouldn’t force them. Rather, communicate. Talk to them and give them time to get comfortable with the use of toys.

However, my personal opinion towards the use of sexual aids is this:

In marriage, the only boundary is the one set by the couple. Whatever the two agree to do in their marital bed (Agreement is the keyword) they are at liberty to do so, as long as they are comfortable doing it.

With the above foundation built, we can now go on to discuss sexual aids in marriage. 

There is a lot of sexual aid out there, so many that one would spend so much time mentioning and talking about them, but my interest today is the sex toys.

What are sex toys?

Really? Should I define that? I thought you knew that already… Okay, I will do it. Sex toys are most times called adult toys or marital toys. They are objects used to achieve more pleasure during sex and masturbation, (Since our interest today is on married couples, we will pretend that I didn't mention masturbation, lol)

Before we look into reasons why couples consider using/ should consider incorporating the use of sex toys in their sexual lives, let us look at the myths surrounding sex toys.

Sex toys are for lonely user: this is so not true but since we are not concentrating on the statues of people that uses sex toys, I will not go into this.

No real man would ever use a sex toy on his wife: Oh dude, how little you know. Incorporating sexual aid to please your wife doesn't reduce the efficacy of your D, rather it heightens your desire as you stimulate her with the toy and watch her arousal soar.

If a woman needs a sex toy to reach orgasm, there is something wrong with her or her husband: Oh, come on...puleeessseee! There is nothing wrong with your hands yet you use the washing machine to wash your clothes. 

Sex Is sensual and beautiful. Aside from quickies, having sex should be done in a relaxed and soothing manner, it should involve a lot of foreplays, massages, teasing, and heightening. Sex toys can help achieve this. Playing with your partner before the actual act can be made better with the use of sex toys. 

Toys replace one’s partner and can make a woman not enjoy sex without them: Uhm… I dont know about any other person, but I have always held the belief that sex is a mind thing. When a partner approaches the use of sex toys as a replacement for his/her spouse, then it would play out exactly that way. But when a couple accepts the use of toys as a bedroom plaything, something both of them would share the joy of using together to achieve mutual satisfaction- not because one partner is inadequate, but because it would help both of them increase their sexual pleasure and satisfaction TOGETHER, then both of them would look forward to using it and will not miss it when it is not available because sex is about the both of them, the toy is only an added spice. 

So, how do sex toys help couples achieve better sexual satisfaction and fulfill their cravings, and what are the different kinds of sex toys perfect for couples?

Before the actual act, there is a need for stimulation. Sexually active couples reading this (Some couples are no longer sexually active with each other Lol) will agree with me that stimulating sexual sweet spots (Every part of the human body is a sexual sweet spot if one knows what to do and how to do it, but that will be teaching for another day) before actual joining. 

The hands/fingers are very wonderful stimulating tools used for touching, stroking, feather brushing, and of course finger- f**king. I don't doubt that with your fingers, you can achieve so much with your partner. 

However, incorporating a sex toy can give you a faster and more satisfying result. Your hands are wonderful but can not be everywhere at the same time (Which is what is required to achieve faster stimulation some of the time). The joint act of kissing (For a partner that loves kissing) fondling the breast/ playing with the nipples as the case may be, kissing the inner tighs and working on the clitoris/penis can get your partner high with arousal so fast- faster than when done one after the other, but you may only achieve two of the above at once. 

With toys, it’s a lot easier and the result faster. As a husband, who just discovered the vibrator and doesn't have a problem using it on his wife, you can get madam to delicately hold it down on the well-lubricated clit, nipples (wherever) while you concentrate on her lips or other places you want to concentrate on. Same as the D, Vibrators can be used on the shaft, the balls, and any other part of your body that tickles you.

Except when a partner is not mentally and emotionally ready for sex, using toys as an add-on gets your partner wet, stimulated, aroused faster. It doesn't invalidate your manual efforts at all, you are only combining multiple efforts to achieve faster results.

If you are a man whose wife has not orgasm before or do experience it sparingly (It’s not a strange thing to say that some women would find it difficult to have an orgasm through actual penetration). And you are concerned. You want to give her that pleasure badly (Which you should desire) then consider incorporating Toys- the vibrator to be precise (There are lots of them and I would talk about them in my next class)        

Adding toys as part of your sexual aids in pleasing your partner means you are adventurous, confident, thoughtful and a partner who knows how the body of his/her partner works. Also, watching your partner writhe in pleasure while you hold the responsible tool can be a great turn-on. 

I have had discreet conversations with a few men. Some admitted to using toys on their wives and were generous enough to share their experiences. One specifically used these words;

“I love watching her cum over and over again and knowing I am doing it to her. The look on her face makes me so hard and I would want to throw the wand away and dive into her immediately. But I would wait until I am satisfied watching her before I come up.”

I will be staying here for today. Next week, we will be looking at the best toys for couples and how they work.

Again, do not force anything on your partner if they are not comfortable. Get them to understand, to like it, and want to try it.

Thank you for coming to my sex talk today. And thank all of you for loving me and my ministry so much that you have to go all the way to order for my book on Amazon. God bless you.

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