Hi, friends.
It's been a while. My lazy ass got a better part of me. But I am hear now, not to leave again.
I promise, on my honor.
So, today I will finally be writing about an issue that I've been wanting to write about for a long while now.
I like sex-a lot.
Close your mouth before flies enter (Lol)
Back to my story...
Sex was a new wonderland I was so excited to explore after marriage. For my husband and I, it was an adventure and we'd happily embarked on it with all vigor.
Discovering secrets.
Drinking pleasurable waters.
Floating on ecstatic clouds.
Breaking rules and boundaries.
Creating our unique wild, nasty, fantasies and fulfilling them...
Yes, I like it a lot (with the right guy)
Now you can imagine the alarm that kicked my gut when I slid into what I want to term 'Sexual dryness' (I think it has a medical term) after the birth of my second child.
I couldn't work my emotion up for my husband, couldn't crave for the D the way I used to, even his touch which usually set me on fire, made me flinch...I didn't want him close, didn't want to see his nakedness, not to talk of beholding his D.
Two months after we were supposed to start a normal sexual life, I was as dry as the word 'Dry,' down there.
At first, we dismissed it as one of those things that come with childbirth which would pass with time.
However, this one came with a mattress and pillow. Like a second wife, it wasn't ready to go anytime soon.
I suddenly dreaded sex.
It became a chore and a punishment to me (like I know it is to most women reading this now)
Frustration ate me up like one would eat a plate of palm oiled yam.
Eight months and no change, I knew it was time to move. Daughter of Zion can not just be a log of wood in her husband's house.
Sisters. I tried everything I could (Both the one sanctioned by my husband and the one he didn't sanction.)
Spanish flies
Local aphrodisiac(tiger nut, debino, date, watermelon, banana, groundnut mixture)
Kayamata yes o. I tried Kayamat (the one that they said will make me crave sex)
I tried porn too. Anything that will make me get my groove back.
I was desperate. I was too young not to enjoy this beautiful gift of Jehovah God.
Nothing worked. Absolutely nothing. The more I searched and tried new stuff, the more depressed I became.
Then I was dragged to the doctor by my husband when he couldn't take my worries anymore. (He was worried too)
Hormonal pills were given to me, which actually worked as long as the drugs lasted. Once they got finished, I went back to being dry.
Most of you would say- is it not just sex? Madam rest na... Sex na food?
But I knew the kind of passion I want in my marriage and I wasn't going to let it go. I didn't want to be another sexual lukewarm wife.
If I was going to be a lover to my husband, I wanted to go all out. I wanted to own the title of "Mr. Ozioma's Sl*t" with my full chest. (Don't call me that if you see me one on one, it's reserved for only one man)
I decided to change course and tackle this thing differently. I went back to researching about what was wrong with me (I had to know what I was dealing with) who and who has had it before and how they dealt with it.
More than that, I went into studying the woman's sexual organs, how they work, and how they are triggered to produce mind-blowing results.
Then, how to approach sex from a beginner's angle. Trust me, at that point, I felt I needed to start all over to learn this thing. We had to start all over, me and my husband.
Before I proceed, I have to tell you that ignorance of this problem is capable of tearing couples apart. The sexual frustration and strain that come with this problem are capable of turning the two people into strangers.
When a husband doesn't understand that his wife is going through this phase, he tends to think that the wife no longer cares about him and can even make the terrible decision of getting satisfaction elsewhere.
On the other hand, the woman who doesn't understand that this is a problem that can be tackled may suffer a total sexual shut down/lockup and may consciously channel her energy into something else. Thereby depriving herself of the joy and pleasure of sex while depriving her husband also.
Also, Postpartum low libido can get a woman so frustrated to the point of hating herself. She could see herself as a failed lover and wife as she is not able to play with her man the way she used to. This, in turn, could make healing more difficult.
This is worse if her man equally sees her this way and starts acting it out
With the above being said, let me go back to telling my story.
Like I said earlier, my husband and I were very worried and this led us to seek solutions together. (When the burden of seeking for solutions is left for only one person, it's more depressing)
Unlike most women that got their answers in the hospital, hormonal drugs didn't help me, local concoctions and herbs didn't help either, so I went back to the Internet. (Myself and my husband)
After some unsuccessful searches (I tried most of the things they stated there but it didn't work.) I decided to combine methods. Few I got from the doctors, Internet, and the others- I found out by myself.
So, here it goes...
1. The first thing to do is to relax. It's going to be difficult but...gurl you don't solve anything by remaining worked up. I realized (so late) that the more I worried the farther healing ran from me. Understand that you have a problem but you are not the first to have it.
2. Talk about it. I have stated before that when the burden of finding a solution is left for the woman, it’s more depressing. And you don't also gonna blame your husband for acting aloof if he doesn't know what is going on with you and why you bark at him or lay like a log of wood each time he touches you. Talk about what is going on, I did and that helped me in a lot of ways.
My husband became more empathetic and considerate.
We sort for solutions together
3. The third (which should be the first thing) is approaching sex from the beginner's angle. Deliberately making moves and advances at your partner.
Sounds weird right?
Trust me, gurl, if you really want to get your groove back, you have to start all over. You and him. Lovemaking involves feelings and emotions and you want to get those back. Dryness can make your husband repulse you- his touch, his kisses, not to talk of when he brings out his dangling flesh of manliness close to you. So to get your groove back, you need to get your emotions and feelings back.
This is also where I would specifically like to speak to the husbands. To most men, the definition of affection and closeness is sex, and when this is deprived of them, they feel unwanted.
Yo… husbandman, Postpartum low libido is no respecter of your sex drive or how you define being wanted. When you realize your wife is going through this, it’s time to find other ways to express affection.
Think of it this way, when you see a beautiful woman and you want her to fall in love with you, how do you approach?
Affection! A lot of it.
Now, your wife isn't out of love with you, but she is yet to get her grooves back after childbirth. Coming straight to demand sex or fretting about her lack of interest isn’t the way to go about it. it‘s time to find other ways to show affection without sex.
In my case, my man started with ‘indecent touching, smacking the butt while walking past me, mild nudges, and suggestive blinks that would always make me laugh. Words of affirmations, calling me beautiful (And meaning it because I saw it in his eyes) Cuddling and little kisses (When I am up for it.) without the pressure of having sex. Leering...as in..., dude was coming hot on me as if I was a new girl he just fell in love with.
In all those months, he was making moves towards me- not for sex but as a man who just found love and desire for a girl. And funny enough, I started seeing him as a young man wooing me, so I gradually started relaxing around him, craving for those moments even though when he tried to venture towards sex, I stiffened. But it was gradual.
Husbands, you have work to do if you want to make her healing faster.
4. Study your body. Learn about your trigger points and how they work (if you didn't know them before)
When sexual feelings AKA Horniness comes so easily, babes nothing will ever tell you that one day, you have to spread your legs over a mirror, searching for those little nubs and trigger points inside the Vegay.
But when childbirth turns you into a desert, and you have tried everything to get your grooves back yet nothing's changed, then gurl... The set time to pay a visit to that slit of pleasure is now.
I didn't need to know about A- spot G- spot and all the sweet zones to enjoy mind-blowing sex with my man. But when I slid into this low libido blah blah blah... I realized I had to know the areas that are responsible for my many oohs, aahs, go babe gos.
Knowing helped me to be strategic and precise when trying the water again. I must warn you that this can be as frustrating as monitoring your circle when trying to get pregnant, as such, you are not making love just for the fun of it, but to know if those trigger points can help awaken you when stroked by the D or fingers.
You may still not feel a thing after knowing and stroking. Don't allow yourself to sink deep into depression, all hope is not lost.
5. A woman going through low libido postpartum tends to have dryness down there. She may not get wet no matter the length of foreplay. That is where Lubes come to the rescue.
I made a post about Sex Lubricants and their types, some time ago. Unfortunately, some 'kids' on social media made fun of that post and of some women that admitted how Lubes has helped them.
During my ordeal, I got to know about Lubricants- lots of them, their different sensations, and tingles. I sampled a whole lot and settled for Durex play tingling water-based Lube (this is not a subtle advert for Durex )
Gurl... It's fine to seek assistance when the fountain down there isn't flowing. Don't you ever be ashamed to go get you some sweet, tingly lube.
And to husbands. When you love a woman (your wife) you understand the burden of going through this together. Offer to get her the Lube if you can be the one to apply it on her to make her at ease.
When a woman is yet to come to terms with the fact that Lubes doesn't mean the worst, she relaxes and her channels of sexual pleasure are gradually opened (if you get the right Lube and the man knows how to go about it.)
This post is already longer than I thought so I will stop here.
Dont forget that I write Romance/erotic stories centered on married couples and the drama that goes on in marriages. My intention? To give you reasons to work on your marriage and enjoy blissful, nasty, mindblowing sex while you are at it.
My book paradise is still up for preorder, follow the links below and preorder at a discount price
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B092T12CJ1
https://books2read.com/u/4AOA1p
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https://flutterwave.com/store/rosemaryokaforsbooks/3ewldcoevql1
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https://flutterwave.com/store/rosemaryokaforsbooks/hg4qictd6mmm
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https://www.amazon.com/One-More-Night-Rosemary-Okafor-ebook/dp/B08GB213YR
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